How To Be More Emotionally Low Maintenance

If you’ve read my post on the  definition of “high maintenance,” you know that I don’t think its always a bad thing to be considered “high maintenance.” The difficulties arrive when it emotionally harpoons another person into either meeting your (lets be honest — somewhat excessive) needs or walking on egg shells while trying to please you.

Expecting to be treated with respect and attention = good idea. Expecting slavish service to your desires = not so much.

Some signs that you might be emotionally “high maintenance:”

• You are easily offended
• You tend to take things personally
• People have accused you of being defensive, difficult or hard to please
• Your first reaction is anger and/or attack when someone says or does something you don’t like
• You expect a lot in your relationships… friends, family, romance… it doesn’t matter. You have a level of performance and you expect them to meet it.
• When you contact a friend or date after a period of what you feel is too long between contacts, you lead with something like; “I never hear from/see you anymore.” “Where have you been?” or “Why haven’t you called me?”
• If your dates don’t match your exacting specifications on behavior needed to be considered a “good” date, you will likely let them know that they need to “shape up” on the date or just never call them again with no explanation. 

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Sometimes the behavior masquerades as something more subtle and less overtly angry. You may whine and complain to friends about how someone mistreated you and your honest friends tell you that they have no idea why you are upset. Or your significant other always feels a certain pressure to conform to your will and meet your desires or else risk losing you over something as small as not giving you a compliment when you walk in the door. One of the most telling signs that you may be on the difficult side of “high maintenance,” many people drift out of your life with little to no explanation. They simply don’t want to be in your cross hairs anymore.

Some men and women can handle a high maintenance partner without it tearing into their emotional fabric. So, if you want to keep your standards where they are, be on the lookout for either the incredibly flexible and laid back date what never gets their feathers ruffled or the uber-confident and independent date who will let you know when you are being ridiculous. 

But if you are tired of consistently hearing that you are “too hard to please” or complaining that you never meet a person up to your standards, you may want to shift your focus just a bit. Instead of a long list of how that person must serve you, start looking at how you can serve others for no personal gain. When offended, ask yourself if the other person’s intentions were to hurt you. (Its highly likely that what they said had absolutely nothing to do with you or was an innocent remark you misconstrued.) If they didn’t intend to be hurtful, let it go or gently let them know that it offended you and you would really appreciate them not continuing to say things like that.

Basically, begin to act as if the world does not end and begin at your doorstep. Is it possible that  you  took the “its all about me” t-shirt a little too much to heart? Yes, its important to be treated well, but its also important to treat others well in return.